Dunes. A PSA Poem

Don’t shit in the sand dunes They’re a thing of natural beauty Find a danker hideout To go and wipe your booty Leave the wipes and Sannies On the shop shelf where you found ’em And if nature calls you to the dunes Keep walking, straight around ‘um Cos they’re bigger than your […]

Do I need a helmet?

In short: yes, you fanny. However, if you’re even considering this as a question, you probably don’t have much up there to keep protected. The REAL question you should be asking is WHICH helmet you should don. Fortunately, you can watch this wholly informative and scientifically researched quality-assurance test 👇 THIS VIDEO WILL CHANGE YOUR […]

What can I do about this gad-damn chafing?

Ah, you FOOL OF A TOOK – you forgot to prepare your poon and have wound up well and truly chafed. Fear not, for I have a wealth of experience to help you heal your way back to hip-swinging health. Remove underwear, instantly. It is an unnecessary interference and your nether-regions deserve to be free. […]

Will my crotch ever be the same again?

I should probably suggest you seek medical advice from a qualified expert on this one, but instead, I’m going to take the opportunity to ego-shaft and pretend that that expert is ME, and talk at length about CHAFING. Oh, chafing. The most intimate of non-life-threatening ailments. The over-polishing of your crown jewels, the stretching out […]

5 TOP TIPS for SaddleBlagging a Pilgrimage

If you ever want to get from France to Portugal, there’s a real handy #blessed route you can take: Camino Del Norte. Serious scenery, cheap accommodation, nifty yellow arrows so you don’t have to rinse your battery on Google Maps, and a never ending stream of hobbling pilgrims to overtake and nod smugly at. You’ll […]

Gijon: RnR

SaddleBlag: When recovering from a knee bash, it is important to gradually rebuild strength. Without colourful rubber bands or physio, use what you have at your disposal. Begin by pedalling in low gears with no baggage on the bike, then add a backpack filled with light snacks, finally, sit Ross on the back and gently […]

Playa Frexulfe

🚴🏽‍♀️35km – Cadavedo – Playa Frexulfe Enough of the aubergines, enough. Last night was scratchy and naff, although sharing yoghurt with the cute Russian girls was nice, but still, the 🍆 life can give it a rest for a mo. Luckily I stumbled upon an excellent surf beach, complete with secluded sand dunes and a […]

One day in the wilderness

🚵🏻‍♀️63km Mondonelo – Baamonde Terrain with more ups and downs than a bipolar trampolinist, on a bike. Turns out all you need is a long day’s ride through absolutely desolate mountains to wring out all the soggy laundry in your brain. Very nice to have bumped into a familiar face in the morning, and then […]

Selfies: A Masterclass

Travelling solo has its challenges. Most importantly, how to capture photos of yourself to prove that you were, in fact, there. Luckily, I have developed quite the knack for the selfie. Scroll down for a how-to guide, if you want to achieve the aesthetic excellence of this compilation of images. 📷1. The self timer trumps […]

Pendueles: The Pecking Order

🚲🚶🏽‍♀️👵🏽 9km SaddleBlag: if you find yourself unable to bend one of your knees, develop an expert technique of rotating each leg on a different plane, with the rigid limb sort of flailing out to the side. Once you’ve developed a rhythm, not only will the bicycle move, but you will feel, and look*, like […]